Lay Report 004 – Peach

Above: her arse in emoji

The Set Up

I joined an online site and chose my best professional photos including a few pictures of me singing and playing the piano. Like many curious men on dating sites, I scrolled through the male profiles to scan the competition and saw a selection of dreadful images – men with half-eaten heads in the pic, bathroom selfies, and late night shots over a glowing laptop. I would have hated to be a chick cutting through the crap to get to a top quality guy.

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Lay Report 007 – Scout

TL;DR: Dinner with YoyloPUA led to a late night fuck with an Aussie chick who closed ME in record time! Floundering dick behaviour, cigarettes, booze and emergent erectile power – one very WEIRD night.


I had met YoyloPUA a few weeks back. He was a self-confessed DJ and we set up a time where he would show me how to play vinyl and CDJ decks. In return I would help him with winging for his nascent daygaming journey.

We bonded over super-priced Pioneer mixers and turntables, sipping red wine and talking about Game interspersed with dropping the bass and breakdowns. (Hey, I’m an acoustic musician).

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Lay Report 003 – Cinderella: A Same Day Lay Story

Not at all like this girl – this is what Google captured under “Japanese Cinderella”.

Set Up

JJ Rousseau, my wing, had returned from the USA armed with stories of lays, near lays and potential lays. We spent a few hours marauding through the city and harbour, JJ suffering from a phone full of dead leads he hoped to resurrect before Easter, and me on a high from a great daygame session on Monday with Tom.

Yon, another wing, had agreed to meet up at 5pm at the Strand Arcade. As we approached the Strand, JJ encouraged me to throw myself into a set of a girl who went into a shop – but which shop? I lost her. As I returned, JJ had gone and Yon was there.

A small, petite Asian girl stood some three metres in front of us against a wall. She had given me a short Indicator of Interest and then looked away. I commented to Yon about her: “This one – IOI – naughty girl. I couldn’t be bothered to approach her”. Yon, ever encouraging, sent me in.

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Lay Report 002 – The Girl On The Train aka The Masseuse

Sagami 0.01

A surprise awaited me on Thursday morning. Amazon Prime had delivered the goods in record time – an order of Japanese Sagami 0.001 condoms. It was portentous – I was meeting a Japanese girl for a date I had met on Monday. She was the Girl on the Train I would later call the Masseuse.

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Lay Report 001 – Miss Doritos

Let’s call her Miss Doritos. Brazilian, 21.

We met at a local cafe at the beach where I swim. Like most lays I have had, there was a sense of the vibe being “on” from the moment we met. A lingering handshake. A stronger-than-usual eye contact. Needless laughing at my jokes. I took her name and we became friends on Facebook. (N.B. I still don’t have her number).

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