TL;DR: Summary of my thoughts and experience regarding sex and the skills involved with the mission of becoming a Top Lover. This is a VERY LONG post.
I asked myself the question last night – what makes for good sex skills with a girl?
The Red Quest (https://theredquest.wordpress.com) and I were discussing this via Twitter yesterday – a man with plenty of experience in the non-monogamy world.
I also was having a side conversation with Magnum (http://magnumlivelarge.blog) about sex skills and where I should go from here now that I am achieving one new notch/month.
Ever since I got into pickup, I feel like my mission was to become the Top Lover – not just the Top Guy but also the one that women remember in the bedroom.
Law enforcement environments use a model called SMEAC. Not to expand on all of these points, but the first few letters are relevant:
Situation: Women are suffering from a massive case of bad sex.
Mission: To become the Top Lover with every woman I meet and seduce.
Environment: A vast majority of women experiencing average-to-below average sex.
I think that being the Top Lover is probably rarer than being the Top Guy – I don’t think they are necessarily the same thing.
I thought carefully about the girls I had slept with (not too many – about 16 + the same number of sex workers) and wanted to compare each experience to see which ones wold qualify as “good sex”.
1. The Colombian – first sex partner, frequent sex for about two years however declining the following seven years to about once/fortnight. I had no idea of how the clitoris and vagina worked. Sex was passionate despite my lack of experience and there was no orgasm deficit. We tried a foursome towards the end (MFFF) and then an open relationship. One thing I do remember with her was a time when I growled like an animal and she loved it.
2. The Ex – second sex partner (despite a sex worker frenzy in between the first and second girl ), frequent sex through to when our son was born, then a drought and relationship end (four years in total). Still did not know how the clitoris and vagina worked. Passionate sex mostly, no orgasm deficit between us. Loved pregnancy sex.
3. The Korean – third sex partner, by this time I had learnt ejaculatory control and how to fuck aggressively (not sure where it came from). Passionate sex with no orgasm deficit as she would ride me while blindfolded to orgasm. She was a big squirter and this was new to me and I explored this. Some new tricks for me: pulling her hair, dominant doggy style, and unprotected sex (for her) which made her attach to me. We fucked during a conference call at her house once. Another moment I remember is coming downstairs, picking her up mid-conversation she was having with my Dad, and carrying her back to the bedroom to fuck her silly.
4. The Aussie Viet – fourth sex partner, dreadful sex. Onset of influenza mid-lay. She was “dry” and also panicked when I wanted to go down on her. Second round a month later was even worse. No chemistry and we were just forcing it.
5. The Chef – fifth sex partner, good sex but she was chubby so mostly one missionary position. One particularly intense moment, however, was when she gave me a blowjob while I played keys. Her weight was a key in me transitioning to Bumblebee.
6. Bumblebee – sixth sex partner, incredible sex and chemistry between us, more than any girl I know. Key components were: intense desire on my part, submission on her part, my sexual aggression, her role play (schoolgirl, bee, etc), and a constant mix of exciting places to fuck (the park, at a party) and mix of hard/soft sexual moments. Desire was always strong with her (and still) and we would fuck for hours. We experimented a lot – teaching her how to fuck in front of the mirror, sex toys (thanks RQ, massage and blow jobs, nudist beaches, and real dirty moments like fucking in a bathroom while my son was playing in the lounge room (and calling out to see if she was okay).
7. Miss Boulder – documented in Adventure Sex – Miss Boulder. Sex was fantastic as she encouraged me to keep my eyes open while I ejaculated. It was also exciting due to the venue and the raw passion between us. We had the ON factor between us.
8. The Septum Vegan – post-Red Pill swallow and breakup with Bumblebee – dreadful sex as the girl was saggy and had blue pubes.
9. The Kiwi – hard, raw sex using big dildos, toys, and role play. She would let me cum inside as she loved the feeling of being dirty.
10. The Thai – exciting, quick sex as we both had our sons playing in the lounge room while we fucked in the bedroom.
11. The Dutch – boney & thin, I was tired from work and she did not want to fuck raw.
12 – 16. The Brazilian Miss Doritos through to Laura Palmer – documented in Lay Reports.
“The ON Factor” – you just know from meeting that you want each other.
Orgasm Deficit – where one of you cums less than the other.
Dick Doubting – where your dick just doesn’t work well on one girl compared to another, mostly due to a misreading of desire.
Top Lover – the guy she remembers for the sex, not just his status, genes, etc.
Sex trance – when you fuck a chick from behind and you place yourself in a trance-like peaceful state as you fuck her. It can be any position – and feels like a state of flow.
Common Elements of Good Sex and Desire
I am able to see a number of common elements to the above experiences:
(A) Strong (and ongoing/improving) desire from the outset
(B) Raw sex (condoms just don’t cut it regardless of how good they are)
(C) Channelling sexual aggression, dominance, fantasy and novelty
(D) Gauging what sexual experience level the woman is at so you can pitch your energy and style accordingly
(E) Signalling to the girl your complete ejaculatory control, ie. showing her you can control when you can ejaculate and how.
In the last or so, I have identified a number of sexual struggles which has not allowed me to become the Top Lover:
1. Lukewarm Desire – I go for the notch even when I’m not feeling it. This mismatched desire can result in some very ordinary transactional sex. You just know in your loins that you do not want to fuck but would rather service your ego with a +1 text to mates.
I was talking to a mate of mine who doubted his sexual desire at 57 … and then met a girl who turned him on so much that there was no problem. This “dick doubting” happens when you are paired up with a woman you just do not have enough baseline desire for.
2. Condoms and Erections – I have no issue with condoms or erections when my desire levels are high HOWEVER I prefer to not use condoms with girls that I have a lukewarm desire for. The hard reality is that condoms dry out, they reduce pleasure, and they don’t allow for that playful element of sex where you can tease the girl with your penis or softly fuck her Sunday-afternoon style (which contrary to the jackhammer brigade can be fantastic sex).
3. Testosterone – I received a low reading of testosterone in January and panicked … yet when Bumblebee came over in February I felt there were no issues. I get the sense that T levels relate to drive and purpose in men rather than exclusively affecting sexual desire – some chicks just don’t do it for you despite your T levels.
4. Channelling Sexual Aggression – I sometimes play it safe and do not channel the level of sexual aggression and dominance with a woman. I liked a recent post by Goldmund where he channelled a Viking when fucking a Swedish girl – great idea. I once went to a fitness course and channelled raw male energy before participating in a wrestling match. I won the first five bouts due to this raw channelling of energy.
5. Dirty Talk – I am pretty weak in this department and will often whisper “I wanted to fuck the shit out of you when I first saw you”, “come for me”, “I want you”, etc. Some girls will talk in their own language when fucking.
6. BDSM Skills – this is an area that Magnum is encouraging me to explore.
Specific Sex Skills
I wrote on one of the Reddit Seduction pages a list of ideas for a newbie who needed some sex skills.
I also wrote to a friend of mine Polar Binks about skills he could use on his new girl (and first Daygame lay).
These are skills that I have personally used with girls:
1. Opt-Out Option – Giving her a “handbrake”, for example slapping your hand or using a safe word, and then making it clear to her that you will do whatever you want with her. The magic of this is that you can take your behaviour to the extreme and gauge the level of dominance and excitement required. Most girls
2. Frenzying – Channelling sexual energy and aggression and projecting it towards the woman. Sometimes this manifests itself as physically walking into the woman and aggressively kissing her, throwing her against a wall with rough intent (Will Freeman’s idea), or just taking her as you want her.
3. Objectification – Physically manhandling/moving the girl around as you want her – objectified. Picking her up and carrying her to the bed is a fantastic first step … and then literally throwing her down on to her back and then fucking her.
4. Dominant Eat Out – Giving her head from a place of dominance where you lust and enjoy her in that way. This can include pulling her on to your face to eat her out. Use the wall as a support for her.
5. Dominant Blow Job – Guiding and forcing her head down to give you head, often accompanied with a surprise like a shoulder massage for her or caressing her hair. During the blow job, you can guide her head and hands softly or aggressively to show you remain dominant. Rivelino speaks best about facefucking – that’s not my thing.
6. Dominant Doggy – When you fuck her from behind, combine it with rhythmic fucking, arm pulling, hair pulling, arse slapping, back massage – and then hand her a vibrator to use (thanks RQ). Aim for rhythmic movements where you can get into a peaceful state. Position your hands on top of each other on her cóccix or reach around to her two hip bones. Give her a few pillows to lie on so she is comfortable. My preferred doggy is standing as when I am on my knees I do not have the raw power I want.
7. Raw Sex – unapologetically fucking her without a condom. This is VERY risky but can be very exciting for a girl. The reality these days is that girls under 25 seem to not use condoms. To address the pregnancy issue, make sure you completely cum outside her by watching your own ejaculation and using her back/breasts/face as a target.
8. Choking – I don’t like it personally unless I am in a dominant aggressive mode. I liken it to trying to leave two dents in the side of a beer can.
9. Bear Hugging – when you take the chick in missionary position with her legs against her chest and you just hold her with a bear hug so hard she cannot escape. It is very exciting as it puts you in a position where you could ejaculate inside her without her being able to fight it off.
10. Pinning Her Down – when you physically pin down her arms on the bed or use your body weight to prevent her moving. Can be very exciting for the girl.
11. Tying Up – I have only ever tied up the Kiwi however it is not really my thing. I think this raises the important issue of the kind of question you want to answer for the girl and whether you want/have the capacity to do that.
12. Jolting – where you put the girl on the side and penetrate her while you sit on top of one of her legs. You are testing to see whether you can make her “jolt”, ie hit a deeper part of the vagina or the cervix. It makes you feel like you have a BBC.
13. Priming – I like to give a girl an orgasm through giving head, particularly direct tongue flickering on the clitoris, or using my hand (guided by her), or having her use a vibrator. I call this priming where the girl is in a high oxytocin state and is more open to suggestion. I learnt this from a Tim Ferriss podcast of a sex worker in Nevada called Alice Little. From experience, women almost always forego condoms once you have primed them.
14. G-Spot Massage – I find that the G spot is easier to find once the girl has had an orgasm. Not every woman will squirt as a result of a G-spot massage … but she may have a vaginal orgasm, may become “creamy” inside, or will get tighter and tighter as she approaches an orgasm.
15. Eye Contact – I like forcing a girl to look at me when she is having an orgasm, or to watch us fuck in the mirror.
16. Anal Testing – placing a finger in her arse when fucking her from behind as a test to see whether she likes it. It is a prelude to a proper arse fucking. I am not a huge fan of anal … however my Ex loved it so I indulged. Always use lube.
17. Dick Teasing – where you deny her your penis and make her pull it in to her. My experience has been chicks like the feeling of being “full” and will get anxious when you deny it to her.
18. Pitching – testing her with new ideas or challenges before you fuck. For example, no underwear in public, inviting her to dress up as an archetype, throwing a sharp sexual challenge at short notice (verbalised or non-verbalised – “I’m going to finger you under the table”), etc.
19. Kissing – I gauge for desire based on the girl’s interest in kissing before, during and after sex. In my opinion it still is the most reliable indicator of desire – when she reaches into you to kiss. One thing I like doing is penetrating and kissing at the same time to create that circular connection between the two of you.
20. Pastoral Care – Hugging, Cuddling, Relaxing – I love doing this regardless of the time we have spent together. It is a good step to take to reduce Buyer’s Remorse and may increase bonding for repeat sex. I really don’t get the dudes who don’t like this.
21. Condom Rotation – If she insists on a condom, buy the best condoms (Sagami 0.01) and make sure you are carrying at least three on you. This means you can rotate condoms as they dry out. Take it off, give her head (or vice versa), and then put on a new one.
22. Sex Toys – you can pre-emptively signal your sexual expertise by keeping your own sex toys in the house. I mean – let’s face it – if you own a vibrator, most women would understand that you use it on other women.
And finally … Musical Trance – create a playlist which channels desire. The choice of music makes for a rhythmic effect when you are fucking her and can put both of you in a “sex trance”. Say Closer by Nine Inch Nails – very dark piece of music with the unforgettable line “I want to fuck you like an animal”. And make sure you fuck to the music rhythmically.
Red Pill Song of The 20th Century
You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you
I broke apart my insides
I’ve got no soul to sell
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
What Kind of Girl Is She?
Gauging the kind of girl you are with – but more importantly finding out whether you can “answer her question”.
The question in my mind is – where does she want me to take her sexually? To an aggressive spot? A sensual spot? A slow spot? Hard and fast? BDSM? Choking?
Her sexual experience level is important because then you can work out what her baseline “high” is.
An inexperienced girl has a lower baseline generally speaking. That’s why the Fifty Shades of Grey narrative is so powerful – you ARE the Christian Grey character to her.
More experienced girls often chase higher highs so the date can be used to gauge this.
Some chicks regardless of age have never been fucked properly. I can attest to that – the Korean was 46 and Bumblebee 42. The Korean had never fucked without a condom; Bumblebee admitted she had never been fucked as hard and enjoyably as she did with me – it made her feel more sexual.
What Kind of Guy Are You?
My colleague SG has fucked 37 girls in the last seven months, mostly young women, many of whom have boyfriends. Some very sharp, acute observations (which may run contrary to the “power seduction” brigade who keep women in orbit through power and not pleasure):
1. He surveys his girls and finds that their main complaints about young men are that they are premature ejaculators, are not rough enough with the girl, do not prep the girl before penetration, and that the women rarely orgasm.
2. Many of these women are specifically stepping out on their boyfriends as they find them boring, fuck like they have jazz hands, and don’t really care about her pleasure.
3. His experience is that these women are craving a hard, dominant, exciting sexual experience from a high-value guy – not just being with a Top Guy but also a Top Lover.
4. Most importantly, being a Top Lover for him meant moving into a space that women craved. He at first felt that the amount of sexual aggression was just too much for him – until he realised that the girls wanted it. I think this is critical – cater to the girl’s needs until that behaviour becomes part of you.
I think we under-pitch our latent animal spirit and so give the girl a boring, vanilla experience. In my opinion Game is a display of values that arouse women sexually – but what about those values in the bedroom? Where is the Red Pill Sex Game?
If Red Pill is really the truth of evolutionary biology, what kind of sex is closest to this truth?
Channelling Your Animal Spirit
A mate and I used to imitate the laugh of Mozart from the film Amadeus just for our amusement. It put us in a laughing high and we would go from imitating the laugh to genuine hysterics. It was like a drug.
On a more animalistic level, I sometimes feel like an animal after a particularly heavy and aggressive session at the gym where I could smash a mirror with my bare hands. This state is very powerful – you leave the gym with big balls and raging sexual hormones going through the body.
I think men can channel this animal spirit with women, often by surprising them once they get into the bedroom. Bumblebee told me that she never expected me to fuck her as hard and as dominant as I did as she thought I was a Nice Guy(TM).
A good way to do this is, before you meet the girl, imitate an aggressive male in the mirror or push out some push-ups/pull-ups where you go to the grunt stage of exercise.
Slow, Soft Sex
The jackhammer brigade thinks that all sex should be hard and dominant … yet I’ve enjoyed fantastic moments with a woman by simply lying on my side (her on her back) and just softly penetrating her for 15-20 minutes as we kiss and talk.
The caveat for slow, soft sex in my opinion is that you must vary it with hard, dominant sex.
But it is true that some chicks just want the constant rough sex high.
So “answering her question” is really trying to establish if she is searching for the rough dopamine high or is content with variation of speed, tone and sex colour.
Some chicks really do enjoy the variation. You don’t need to constantly lead her around the lounge room with a dog collar and leash.
Power Vs Pleasure Sex
Some moves in the bedroom are meant to elicit a power dynamic rather than a pleasure dynamic (at least for me). I do not get particularly excited by a blowjob but I do like to guide a woman’s head down to see whether she will submit to me.
Some moves are particularly dominant and feed into desire mechanisms, for example:
1. The sexual excitement I get when choking and slapping a girl – it just makes your erection harder.
2. Placing them in a position where they cannot escape your ejaculation – a sign of fitness when you overpower them.
3. Rough intent – throwing them against a wall, picking them up and putting them on your shoulder, wrestling with them.
Power dynamic is not necessarily that exciting for a man – but it definitely turns women on because most guys just wont do it.
Service Provider/Gigolo Mode
Nash (https://daysofgame.com) and I have talked about this where you, as a man, feel you are providing a sexual service to the woman. This is where there is sometimes a mismatch of desire (or even SMV).
Bumblebee would talk about how her desire for me was so intense that she could just not help herself and wanted to fuck me.
I do not mind being a service provider in the short-term but it does get kinda tiring.
“Honor the reach out” – when she texts you to meet up, she is sub-communicating that she wants to fuck. This is important – sometimes the window of sexual opportunity will close otherwise.
A MousetrapPUA speciality – I will quote him directly:
“You have to fuck her like a caveman. Absolutely destroy that pussy. Think: tomorrow is your last day on Earth. How are you gonna fuck her? I bet you’ll tear that ass up. Pipe Game is a state of mind: fuck her like a caveman pornstar. There’s different angles etc but you just have to have it in your mind: “I’m going to destroy this pussy”
“I am Latino: many of the women I bang are white/Caucasian women who LOVE te whole Latino “thing”, so I just play up to that. As I fuck them I’ll say things to them in Spanish and they just melt. They love it. Like they’re being dominated by a Latin lover/Casanova type. But also I’m dominant, very aggressive type. It’s a combination of all this”.
The above is a very honest appraisal of my sex skills to date. I have not delved into the psychology of sex, retention and non-monogamy as these topics have been covered (or will be covered) by respective bloggers.
I would like the seduction community to contribute to an honest discussions about sex skills after you have gamed the girl and seduced her.
1. The Sex God Method by Daniel Rose – every Top Lover quotes this one
2. How To Fuck Girls Properly by Will Freeman
3. Porn stars like Rocco Siffredi, James Deen and Ryan Madison